Wrap your cranium around that dichotomy, Ray Kroc.Easter a wild Oliue tree, mas is masculine, & and siler an o∣sier, suber cork thus frank incense, robur an oake, qu.Quod which dat vtrumque genus is both masculine and neuter.ĪPpellativa common names arborum of trees crunt shall be mulie∣bria feminine, ut as alnus an alder tree, cupressus a cy∣presse tree, cedrus a cedar tree, spinus a sloe tree mas is masculine, o quaedam neutralia some neuters, ut as Argos a Citie in Peloponne∣sus, Tybur a citie in Italie, Praeneste a citie in Italie, & and Anxur a citie in Italie, Page ties sunt are excipienda to bee excepted, ut as ista mascula these masculines, Sulmo the towne where O∣uid was borne, Agragas a towne in Scicilie.Tamen neuerthelesse quae∣dam some names urbium of Item also nomen the name Insulae of an Ile, ceu as Creta Creete: Brittannia Britaine, Cyprus Cypres. On one side, the burger was kept infernally hot, while on the other side the vegetables were kept frigid, distant and cold. Despite nobody in the history of the world ever complaining about this, McDonald’s invented a disassembled burger with twice the styrofoam packaging, boxes with two wells each.
Executives had deduced that years of old-hat hamburger technology had failed to produce a delectable that respected the natural state of the individual ingredients – mainly, that in the indirect heating process of touching sizzling meat, the lettuce and tomatoes and their bracing coolness were being compromised. McDonald’s, king of the mountain but looking a little uninspired on the innovation front, countered with the McDLT. Nashville DJ and original shock-jock Coyote McCloud, who despite the sound of his name looked nothing like Dennis Weaver, seized on the opportunity to create a nouveau rap record on the subject, memorializing Peller’s poignant struggle with musical instruments that were officially deemed illegal at the onset of the ’90s. The resultant argument being, of course, that Wendy’s provided more actual beef content, and that Clara Peller was adorable. “Where’s the beef?” as uttered by character actress Clare Peller took on the diminished effects of a mass production economy in regards to beef-to-bread ratio. Wendy’s handily won the battle of catchphrases. But at the time, the three corporations lobbed television campaigns at each other in attempts to win the hearts and minds of the docile international public, which meant employing advertising firms searching to create the memes of their time. Well, who are we kidding: It was Subway and that Jared guy. But perhaps Wendy’s and Burger King chinked just enough of the armor to make McDonald’s the vulnerable arches they are today. At the time McDonald’s was still the monolith, the lone general, the bloodied Ash Williams standing atop the pedestal whilst the defeated burger hordes angled towards the throne, but in the end could only offer supplication. The Burger Wars were a trilateral conflict involving McDonald’s, Burger King and Wendy’s. Not to be forgotten, however, were the just as costly Burger Wars. There were the Cola Wars, which set a megapop star’s hair on fire and traumatized Billy Joel. Some people didn’t even have remotes yet. You young ones wouldn’t understand just how much of a toll these wars had, how much physical exertion we had to spend changing the channels. Not literally, of course, but psychologically, and the combatants were food manufacturers. Back in the ’80s we fought our wars with food.
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